Annoying Voldy
by RatherNotBeSaid
Summary: She goes into the pits of Voldemort's lair with one purpose. To annoy Voldemort, hopefully to death
1. The Mission

Hello!!! My name is LadyDrac. (waves)

**And I'm Gin!**

Go away Gin I won't need you until the end of the chapter.

**(pouts and leaves)**

As I was saying earlier I'm LadyDrac or LeeLee which ever you prefer. I always love reading about these annoying Voldemort stories so I decided to write one myself. But being who I am I decided not it write it purely in crack and I have no idea wat I'm talking about. So read on.  
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Annoying Voldy  
_**The Mission**_

"Now remember." Dumbledore told me. "You have to report to Professor Snape at the end of each day. To report your progress" He inclined his head towards Snape who stood in the corner of the room holding a cup. I wonder if it held wine or something, you never know with people these days.

"Yes sir." I nodded. "What if I die what will you tell my mother?" I asked. I knew exactly what I had to do but I still had something to say. "I mean you're going to make a copy of me to last the rest of the year but I don't want it to live as me for the rest of my life." I shuddered, no imitation will ever take my place in life. If it does Dumbledore better get ready for A Haunting or maybe A Nightmare in Hogwarts, Freddy Cougar style.

"If anything happens I will tell your mother." Dumbledore said gently. Damn, I kinda wanted to work with Freddy Cougar. Snape snorted, if he's reading my thoughts Lord protect him.

"Thank you. Well we better hope we make it." I said in hopes of brightening the mood.

"Why is that Miss Weasley?" Snape asked speaking for the first time since Dumbledore had called us here.

"Do you know how much trouble I'd be in if my mother finds out I'm dead?" Dumbledore's somber face broke into a grin and the corner of Snape's mouth twitched.

"Well," Snape said, "We wouldn't want that to happen now would we?"

"Nope but Lord forbid if we do." Snape rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. Dumbledore's grin grew wider and he cast a look over in Snape's direction.

"See Severus." he said. "We couldn't have found a better person to do this. She like a carbon copy of her brothers" Then he looked at me. "Well Miss Weasley I wish you the best of luck."

Snape walked over and placed the cup he was holding into my hands. "This potion will change your appearance. Take it before you go to sleep, by the time you wake up the transformation should be complete."

"What will I look like?" I asked curiously. He smiled cruelly.

"I guess you'll just have to wait." With that he turned tail walked and walked out of the Headmaster's office but I could have sworn he said that I couldn't look any worse than I do now. Yeah well look in the mirror you git.

"Now Miss Weasley." Dumbledore said bringing me out of my thoughts. "I believe that you have a long day awaiting you tomorrow and it would be best to get some rest." I nodded and walked out knowing that I won't catch a wink of sleep tonight. Not only was my mission bothering me but now I keep replaying The Nightmare on Elm Street. But something about Dumbledore's twinkling eyes made me think otherwise. I wonder how he does that. Maybe it's a really old person trick, I'd seen my grandmother do that in her portrait.

"Get some rest Miss Weasley." Dumbledore laughed.

"Yes sir." I saluted before walking away.

My name is Ginevra (Ginny) Weasley, I'm sixteen years old, I go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and I have an assignment (mission) from Dumbledore, our Headmaster. Tomorrow I'm going into the pits of Voldemort's base with one goal. To annoy Voldemort to death or to die trying. I hope it's not the latter.

I tried to wrestle my eyes open as I followed Snape out of the gates of Hogwarts.

"Now." Snape said sharply gaining my full attention, "I can't show up with you because it would look suspicious. You do remember the address?" I nodded slowly.

_Pop!_

My eyes flew open. He left! He just left! Just like that! I can't believe it, how could he do that? I fumbled through my mind trying to remember the address Snape had told me, it left my mind when I panicked. There it is. I turned on my heels before I could forget it. If I lose any of my limbs I will find them and smack Snape with them.

I couldn't help but be impressed as I appeared next to the doors of what appeared to be an, well, impressive manor. Thanks to Snape I had managed to apparate inside the gate instead of outside. Speaking of Snape he said Voldemort should be here any minute now.

I happened to catch a glance of myself in a window. _Two points to Snape, _I thought as I admired my new appearance.

Instead of my normal ginger hair I had long, curly, blood red hair, tinted black. Dark blue, like the depths of a ocean, eyes replaced my brown ones. Freckles covered my nose and a few under my eyes. Why does it seem like Weasleys can't escape freckles? I had also added square, black rimmed glasses earlier this morning in hopes that it made me look professional.

I turned my head as I heard the iron gates squeak open. I stayed very calm as I watched Voldemort walk up the lane towards me. Who was I kidding? I was freaking the hell out.

"Who are you?" he asked as if he didn't care. Maybe he liked to humor his victims or it could be manners. Manners or humoring? Who did I think this is?

Okay Ginny it's now or never.

"Hello! I'm Gin Masterson and I'm your new personal assistant!" I said with the biggest smile on my face, trying to sound preppy.

I must have taken him by surprise because he didn't kill me, in fact he didn't do anything, all he did was stare unblinkingly. Finally he blinked.

"Excuse me," Omg manners!, "My what?" Or not.

"You know." I said swatting his arm. "Your personal assistant. I follow you around, plan your day, schedule in your evil laughs, bring you your mocha lattes with your morning bun, stuff like that." I told him offhandedly. Don't get me wrong, I was scared shitless, who wouldn't be, but in a weird way my nervousness was actually helping.

"What makes you think that I won't kill you this instant?" Voldemort asked but I was prepared.

"Because," I said, "I know for a fact that a Dark Lord's day is very busy." I cast a meaningful look at him, "And it would be _very_ easy to forget meetings or appointments."

His hands curled into fists and he looked ready to kill, he was clearly remembering the scene that Snape had told me about. That was a dark day for all Death Eaters near or far.

I silently crossed my fingers behind my back. _Please don't let him kill me,_ I chanted in my mind.

Voldemort unclenched his fists and looked at me with his cold, red eyes.

"I guess you could be useful." he decided, "But one mistake and you will pay." I nodded. "With your life." Shit. "Understood?"

"Clear as crystal." I said. Then I plastered a wide grin on my face. "Now down to business. I need permission to do magic?" He waved his hand. "Good." I said waving my wand. A pen and clipboard appeared in my hands.

"Muggle contraptions?" he asked clearly disgusted.

"No duh." I said trying to sound exasperated. "Imagine trying to walk and write with a quill and parchment."

"Point." he said.

"Plus it has little heats in the corners."

"I will pretend I didn't hear that. Now come. I have more important stuff to do."

"Are you sure?" I asked raising my eyebrow. I think I spend to much time with Fred and George. I seem to like making the situation worse.

"Yes." he hissed.

"Good." I pretended not to notice how angry he was. "I just have to ask you a few questions before we go."

"Let's get this over with." he sighed.

I stood taller and poised my pen above the paper.

"What's your name? Is it Voldemort, Volde Mort or Vold E. Mort? And if so what does the E stand for?  
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So did you like it it?

**Of course they did LeeLee.**

Oh hi Ginny.

**Hi LeeLee! Hi readers! (waves)**

So do you guys like it so far? Plz review. Even if it's only one word. Bye for now.

**Plz wave back at me :)**


	2. Number 1

Howdy everybody! It's LadyDrac again.  
**And Ginny aka Gin. How are y'all today?  
**Why are we talking like that?  
**I don't know you know.  
**Well anyway here's the second chapter.  
**Come on you can do better than that.  
**(Sigh) I know present to you the second chapter of the fabulously retarded Annoying Voldemort aka Voldy.  
**You make me so proud. (tear)  
**I'd like to thank everyone for their reviews (:  
**Yeah you all rock! Tanks for waving bac at me StarfirenTerrarocks! I would give you a cookie but sadly I have none. So here's a hug (hugs)  
**Now on with the story.

Annoying Voldy  
_**(1) Ask him a bunch of random questions. They can be annoying (duh) and embarrassing.**_

Thankfully Voldemort hadn't killed me. That was yesterday, this is today. And today is when I have to get serious, or un-serious, or, ohh you know what I mean. I walked through the corridors towards Voldemort's chambers. I paused and took a big breath, casting away all thoughts keeping only a big bright picture of a smile in my mind. I'd like to see him try read my mind.

I counted down from three. Three, two...

"GOOD MORNING!" I yelled busting through the door.

Voldemort let out a _**girly**_ (snort) shriek and sat up so quickly he was nothing but a blur.

"Rise and shine sunshine you have an evil laugh scheduled for eight." I told him pulling open his drapes. Letting the sunshine shine in.

"Don't ever do that again!" he yelled at me.

"Why?"

"I thought Bellatrix was coming to try and rape me again." Silence. Okay no more silence.

"Bellatrix?" Laughter. "Rape?" More laughter. "You?" Even more laughter. Then I caught the end. "Again? She tried before?" I asked, eyes wide. I always knew that she was insane but damn.

"That's none of your concern." he snapped. I guess the shock of being awoken so suddenly had worn off.

Suddenly he tensed, "Get out!" he yelled.

I was picked up by an invisible force and was taken outside of the room and the doors closed in my face.

Why did he- Oh shit. I had just seen the Dark Lord shirtless. Ewww, my poor eyes and brain. Giving Voldemort an hour I ran away.

"Snaaaaaaaape!" I cried as I ran.

I fumed as I stomped back towards Voldemort's chamber. He. Had. Laughed. Snape had laughed at me. When I told him, he laughed. That cruel man.

I charged through the doors, not caring if Voldemort was dressed or not.

"Laugh!" I barked at him. When he didn't respond I turned on him, eyes blazing. "It's eight and it's time for your evil laugh soo LAUGH!" He flinched and let out an hysterical laugh.

Despite my anger I couldn't help but crack a smile at that. "Okay we need to work on that." He scowled.

"Why shouldn't I kill you?" he asked.

"'Cause I'm pretty." I said batting my eyelashes.

"Pretty my-"

"Hem hem." Voldemort flinched. Thank you Umbridge.

I glanced around the table as I put a spoonful of cereal (Special K. Chocolatey Delights to boot. Who would have known?) into my mouth. A good number of Death Eaters were there including Bellatrix Lestrange.

She was looking around the table haughtily. I wonder if she really is as obsessed with Voldemort as people make her out to be. Maybe they have her wrong.

When her gaze landed me her eyes slanted and slid from me to Voldemort who was sitting next to me. Then her gaze turned into a glare. Okay maybe she's not understood, anyways better for me.

Oh, this was going to be fun.

"Voldemort!"

He pretended not to notice me.

"Voldemort! Voldy! Voldmisster! Evil Overlord! Supreme-"

"What!" he screeched, face red with fury. Well he had to put up with my rise and shine shit so I guess he is like a bomb, tik tok. Wake up in the mor- Focus Ginny no time for singing, that's another day. I took a deep breath.

Let the mission officially begin.

"Why do you sleep with your shirt off?" I asked faking innocence. There was complete silence.

Voldemort went from red to pink in two seconds flat and the Death Eaters mouth's fell to the floor. I gazed at all of them but Bellatrix's expression was the best, pure gold. She looked like she had just swallowed a nargle.

"What!" she screeched, "How does she know that? Who even is she!" Others joined her questioning and Voldemort tried, notice I said tried, to satisfy them.

"Oh yeah." I said as if remembering a lost fact. "Do you wear boxers or briefs? I didn't really have time to check." An unfortunate Death Eater chose that moment to drink something. Needless to say it ended up all over him and the people nearest to him. I faintly heard someone choke.

Some Death Eaters were trying hard not to laugh, notice again I say trying, and Bellatrix looked appalled.

"Master!"

I felt someone grab me tightly by the back of my robes and I was hauled out of my seat and dragged out of the room.

Before the door closed I winked at the rest of the room. That was it.

The Death Eaters let their laughter take over, I stored the memory of Lucius falling out of his chair in my memory for later, except Bellatrix whose mouth was mouth was hanging open and eyes were wide. Take that bitch.

"Do you like chocolate?" I asked as I walked on the side of Voldemort. He had stopped dragging me ten minutes earlier complaining that I was too heavy. He had only dragged me for three minutes.

The nerve of some Dark Lords these days.

"I just love chocolate." I continued, "I really love dark chocolate. What's your favourite type of chocolate? Is it white chocolate? Milk chocolate?-"

"Uuughh!" Voldemort screamed, clearly frustrated. "Yes I like chocolate. I hate dark chocolate and my favourite chocolate is the cherry filled ones! Happy?"

"Yup." I said popping the 'p'. "Do you have a last name? I always wondered that, maybe you're secretly Voldemort Potter or Voldemort Longbottom. Are you?"

"No. To both of those questions. That's the most stupidest thing I have ever heard."

"Do you have a middle name?"

"If I had no last name but I had a middle name wouldn't my middle name become my last name?"

"Ohh..... Say wa?"

"Your an idiot."

"But I'm a pretty idiot." Then an idea popped into my head.

"Where are you going." I asked pretending to be annoyed.

"To torture some Muggles."

"No you're not Mister." I said looking at my clipboard until something caught my eye. "According to this you have a meeting with the Bulgarian Minister's understudy. In the west wing."

He paused remembering that we're in the east wing. He blinked ran down the hall olden times style.

And when I say ran I mean the old time Girls-Picking-Dresses-Up-To-Their-Ankles running.

When he disappeared around the corner I felt myself become overcome with giggles. I couldn't decide which was funnier, what I just did or what I had just saw. I wonder how much my memories would be worth by the time this war was over.

"Dark Lords should always arrive early to really important meetings." I told Voldemort as if I was explaining it to a two-year-old. God, I just want to get killed don't I.

"NOT TWO HOURS EARLY YOU TWIT!" he yelled back.

"It makes a good impression." You see what I mean right?

"How much of an idiot are you?"

"Why are you always so angry?"

"That has nothing to do with this conversation."

"Well it does now."

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at Voldemort. You can clearly tell that I have no, as some call it, run away like a scared little animal instincts. Or I have no brains. Nah it's probably number one. Right?

He glared back, his red eyes flashing dangerously.

"Why are your eyes red?"

"Because they are." he bit back.

"Smart ass answer. Good move."

"As much as I hate to break up such a loving conversation," We both turned to glare at Snape, "The Bulgarian Minister's understudy is here." We both blinked and Voldemort turned to stare at me.

I turned my shocked, how the eff did that happen look into a smirk.

"You were saying my Lord?" I asked feeling smug.

"Nothing." he said emo-ly walking over to his chair.

"I'm having fun." I said smiling largely at Snape.

"Really?" he asked. "Well breakfast was..." he smirked, "Enjoyable." I laughed really loud causing Voldemort to look at us. I waved at him, pointed between me and Snape and then made a heart sign with my fingers. He choked on his spit, your spit is very dangerous as you may or may not have known, then he scowled.

I turned towards Snape to see him looking weirdly at me. Well I had to annoy the man right?

"Well, I've got to ask Voldy annoying questions so toddles." I skipped over to Voldemort and took a big breath. "Why is this place so big? Why can't it be-"

There was a cracking sound as Voldemort's head hit the table.

"Oh my God! Call the ambulance! 911, 242, 877 393!" Then I tripped. On purpose I swear.

"That's really nice of you to let him go and all but aren't you afraid he might rat you out?" I asked just for the sake of asking.

"I didn't let him go." Voldemort smirked. "What do you think guards are for?"

I shivered. Imagine walking out of the doors, free, when spells come at you from every direction. Killing Curses to boot.

"Why aren't the walls pink?" I asked randomly. "Or blue? Blue is a pretty colour." I prefer green though but Voldemort might agree with that.

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I didn't want to paint it those colours."

"Do you like the sunset?"

"What's with the random question?" he asked switching the roles.

"These questions aren't random. They all relate to each other." I pouted. Yes, they are random but I wasn't about to tell him that. Maybe I should I can broach a whole mew topic. "What's that?" I asked pointing to a... thing.

"It's a... thing." he responded. "I never really knew what that was." He turned to a Death Eater who was walking past. "Wormtail! What's that?"

Wormtail. Pathetic rat.

"It's a... thing my Lord."

Voldemort pulled out his wand and Wormtail ran.

"Works every time." he smirked.

"What works every time?" I asked blinking stupidly.

"You're an idiot."

"What's an idiot?"

"You."

"Yay! I'm special."

"I agree."

"You meanie."

"I'm not I'm just truthful."

"Yeah well the truth hurts. Did you know that?"

"Too bad."

"Why are you truthful?" I asked. I better wrap this up soon. It was getting late. "Do you lie sometimes? Or maybe all the times? Are you half truthful and half lie-ful?" I quite sure that's not a real word but what the heck. "Or are you always truthful? If you're always truthful can I ask you if you like birds? What kind of birds do you like? Parrots and sparrows? Or maybe flamingos? Why are flamingos pink? Why are you evil? Is it because you never had toys? What did-"

"LEAVE!" Voldemort bellowed.

Not being one to disobey I ran out of there faster than the roadrunner. Feeling brave, or stupid you choose, I turned around at the end of the hallway.

"Meep Meep!" I called before continuing my escape.

**Omg! Am I the coolest or what?  
**I think you're the most insane person I ever met.  
**(shrugs) I could live with that.  
**Soo did you readers like it?  
**Did you? I hope you did we worked really hard on this chapter.  
**(snort) We?  
**Yeah. I almost got killed!  
**So dear readers would you so kindly tell us how all "our" coughmycough hard work turned out.  
**Please (puppy eyes)  
**How can you resist those?


	3. Numbers 2,3 and 4

We're back!  
**And badder than ever.  
**Why do you think you always start by saying stuff like that.  
**(shrugs) I don't know.  
**Anyways, Welcome dear readers again to the third chapter of Annoying Voldy.  
**Yay!  
**I want to tank everyone for commenting on our coughmycough hard work.  
**Oh and don't worry StarfirenTerrarocks I'm not dieing anytime soon.  
**Don't be too sure.  
**But da story can't continue without me!  
**Yeah you keep thinking like that.  
**Wat?  
**On with the story!  
**Wait what?**

Annoying Voldy  
_**(2)Call him Voldy  
**__**(3)Call him 'The-Man-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live'  
**__**(4)Call him 'Tiger' and refer to yourself as 'Coach'**_

"So Voldy." I said idly as we walked to breakfast. The morning had been uneventful so far except for when Voldemort had set the robes I had offered to him afire. (They were blue with pink ducks.)

"Don't. Call. Me. That." he hissed through gritted teeth. Jeesh someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I had pushed him off of the bed to wake him up. On second thought maybe it has everything to do with that.

"Of course Tiger. Are you ready for a busy day with Coach?" Voldemort looked at me weirdly when I said that but hell, no curse no harm done.

"Lay it on me." he sighed, "I can tell today is going to be long." Then I hatched a brilliant plan. I may possible get killed but it was a good plan. I hope it.

"Wellll," I said biting my lip, "I can't find my clipboard and someone nicked my wand."

"Someone stole your wand?" he asked, deadpanned. The things I do for the Greater Good. I wonder if Courage the Cowardly Dog comes on any more. I miss him, he's so funny. Oops back to the topic.

"Yup. I think it was Avery."

"You think Avery stole your wand?" I nodded. "Why would he want to steal your wand?" he asked staring at me like I was dressed like a clown. I hate that look, and please, don't ask.

"He has it out for me."

"Why?"

"'Cause I tripped him."

"You tripped Avery?" Voldemort asked. He looked at me like I was a being from another planet. Seriously though what's with all these looks?

"I was bored." I justified.

"Woman you crazy."

"Ohh em gee!" I squealed, "I lu-uv that movie!"

"What movie?" Voldemort asked.

"Oh you know. That movie with the man and the woman with the house and the trees."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know! Do you?"

"No!" Voldemort screamed throwing his arms into the air.

"Where the hell is my wand!" I asked shrilly.

"You said Avery stole it!" Voldemort yelled back.

"Ohh." I said calmly before turning around.

"Where are you going?"

"To get my wand." I informed him. "I left it on my bed this morning." At the look on his face I added, "I just remembered."

"If I kill you I'd be very relaxed."

"But if you do you'll miss an important meeting sooner or later." After saying that I decided to get the hell out of there. Good thing to because the moment I moved Voldemort sent a curse at me. The table behind me blew up and I ran thanking Merlin for my good luck.  
"No!" Voldemort screamed, "My Peruevn vase!"

"Cornflakes are really wonderful aren't them?" I asked Voldy as we walked out into the courtyard. (mid-evil much?) "I mean they're so-" Suddenly something large burst out of one of the hedges.

"Holy mother of monkeys! What in the name of corn pops is that!" I screeched jumping behind Voldemort. Whatever it was would have to eat him first before it can even touch me.

"That's one of Lucius's peacocks." he said. Besides the thing half scaring me to death and me wondering what the hell? I couldn't help but giggle at Voldemort's words.

"The minds of children these days." he mumbled.

"Hey I'm sixteen!" I cried.

"My point."

"Where are we going?" I asked, "We have a whole two hours of freedom."

"I have absolutely no idea."

"Well that's just dandy. So we're just going to stroll through here until one of the peacocks gets hungry and decides that we looking pretty tasty?" I asked looking at one. I turned away quickly. That thing looked at me, unblinking and blank, no that's creepy.

"They're not going to attack us."

"Really?" I asked, "Look into their eyes." He looked at one of them for a while, then he shuddered.

"You're right let's go."

"Dark Lords before normal people." He didn't even bother to correct me about the 'normal' part as he ran inside without looking back.

I laughed until one of the peacocks gave me the eye. Needless to say I didn't waste any time getting my ass out of there.

"So what do you want to do today Tiger?" I asked.

"Don't call me that." Voldemort retorted.

"Anything you say Tiger."

"I mean it."

"Of course you do Voldy."

"I cant win can I?"

"Win what? Is there a competition? Can I enter?" I asked jumping up and down like a kid high on sugar and caffeine or a cheerleader with a gold card. Okay make it the kid the cheerleader one scares me a bit, or a lot.

"Whyy yess." Voldemort hissed, clapping his hands together, smirking. "You can get an application form from Severus."

"Really?" I asked. What the hell. I can give him a progress report.

"Yesssss." Voldemort hissed again. Impatient much?

"Yay! Snape here I come!" I exclaimed running away.

"Good luck!" Voldemort called. Whether it was me or Severus I did not know.

"You're doing better than I expected." Snape told me as we walked through a corridor. I have seemed to notice that there are a lot of corridors here.

"Thank you. I try me best." I gave a little bow.

"Let's not get cocky now." Snape said smirking.

"Me? Cocky? Never."

"Har. Har"

"Are you a pirate?"

"I thought your job was to annoy Voldemort?"

"Yes well a girl needs her practice. Even a skilled one like me."

"You sure you're not cocky?" Snape asked raising his eyebrows.

"Nope." I replied. "I'm very down to earth and humble."

"Ohh real- Here comes Voldemort." Snape said giving me a heads up.

Sure enough when I looked there was Voldemort walking in our general direction, deep in conversation with a masked Death Eater. Whatever they was making Voldemort angry. I motioned for Snape to be quiet and I cast a spell at them.

"I'm telling you My Lord," the Death Eater said, "The area of a triangle is base times height over two."

"No, no, no, no, no." Voldemort told him. "Its-"

I quickly dropped the spell and threw a look at Snape that clearly said 'what in the name of fladoddles?' He returned it with enthusiasm although I think he replaced fladoddles with another word.

"So Voldy?"

"Don't call me that." I waved him off.

"I have a question."

"What is it? No wait, is it sensible?"

"Yup."

"Then shoot." Gladly if I had a gun.

"How do you find the area of a triangle?"

"Excuse me?" he asked choking.

"I have homework!"

"How can you have homework if you're here?"

"The world works in mysterious ways." I said vaguely, wriggling my fingers at him. He slapped my hands away.

"What does the world have to do with homework?"

"You don't worry your little head off Tiger that's what Coach is here for." I told him.

"Don't start with this Tiger stuff again." he said putting his head in his hands.

"Is Voldy okay?"

"No." Voldemort said blankly.

"Voldy it is!" I cheered. "Drinks all around!" Those sitting around the dinning table looked at me weirdly. One brave one decided to ask.

"Why?"

"Voldemort just gave me permission to call him by a nickname!" I saw, well rather felt, Bellatrix's glare. I turned towards her and poked out my tongue. Then, I turned towards Snape and smirked. He smirked back, getting the idea.

"What is the nickname My Lord?" he asked.

Voldemort fumbled around with his words. "Well.... umm... you see-"

"That's for us to know and for none of you to find out." I glared around the table but on the inside I was cracking up. Feeling courageous I wrapped my arms around Voldemort's waist. "Isn't that right Voldypoo?"

The Death Eaters broke into whispers. Let the rumors begin.

"Silence!" Voldemort commanded. "You!" he said pointing at me, "You leave now!" He now pointed at the door.

"But I'm still eating!" I whined pointing at my now filled with food plate. I swear it had been empty a minute again. Magic rocks.

"Fine." he sighed realizing that I would just put up more of a fight. . "Eat the leave."

"Where will I go?"

"Out of sight."

"Oh I understand now. You don't want sexy people in your plane of sight."

"Excuse me?" he asked dropping his fork (plastic, apparently even Dark Lords are affected by recessions) blinking rapidly.

"Did I stutter?" I asked challenging him. We now had all the Death Eaters attention. "Anyway I'm done eating." I told him as I pushed away my plate. "See you later Tiger."

I dodged the teacup (tea at night? I'm just as confuzzled) that had been thrown at me and walked out of the room. A crash sounded as I closed the door. I hope what ever it was wasn't expensive or important, I do the taxes around here.

Snape appeared a few seconds later.

"He threw someone's plate at your back." he said answering the unasked question. It's kinda creepy how he does that. But more importantly was it an important plate. Then I would have to figure out the income taxes and follow the taxes back to the owner and then- "Not taking his nicknames to well I guess." Snape said breaking out of my calculations. I laughed.

"That's not even the best part." I informed him. Frig the plate, taxes can be done another day. "I haven't even done number three yet." He let out a laugh too.

"Tell me how that goes will you?"

"Sure." I heard footsteps approach the door. "Gots to run. Ttyl." I left him with a wtf look on his face. I just have to sell my memories after the war. I'd be stinking rich. Wait make that sweet smelling rich. I don't want to smell stink.

How I did it I do not know. Even when I look over this memory in my near future I never quite figured it out.

Somehow in this world we live in, on this earth that we live on I had managed to get Voldemort tucked into bed covered with a quilt patch blanket. Not only that but he was also holding a teddy bear. A pink teddy bear.

_**Oh my God, I can't breathe, my rids are effing killing me. I think one cracked.**_

"Can I go to sleep now?" Voldemort asked his eyes darting about. My goodness what did I do to him.

"Of course you can." I told him.

I walked over to the bed side and leaned over him. I pecked him on his forehead then stood up.

"Goodnight The-Man-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live."

Voldemort's eyes snapped all the way open. It looked like a thousand fires were burning in them.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?"

"Umm.... Handsome?

**Omg! I am in love with myself  
**…... I'll pretend that's normal.  
**Okay! Thank you for being understanding and supportive. :)  
**So dear readers/reviewers while Ginny plans out her marriage to herself I ask humbly if you can so kindly review.  
**(looks up from wedding planner) Oh I want to try something new. In your review tell us something that your learned this chapter.  
**That's actually smart Ginny  
**Why thank- Hey!  
**Bye! Hope u enjoyed the story!Review! (waves)


	4. Numbers 5 and 6

Hello everyone! (waves)

**How are you guys today? (sniff)**

Sorry Ginny's a bit sad about this chapter.

**With good reason to be!**

Don't fret Ginny.

**I can't help it. (sniff)**

Okay guys on a sad note exams are coming up

**Bummer.**

I know rite! Anyway I have to study and fullfill the expectations of my family so I may not update every week. Also regatta next week! Which means I'm not going to school.

**Regatta? What's that? Can I come?**

So enjoy chapter four whilst I inform Ginny about regatta.

Annoying Voldy

**Tel him you're going to McDonalds. Ask him in an adult-talking-to-a-small-child voice if he wants a Happy Meal**

**Work the phrase 'Like taking candy from a baby' into conversation, but remember to add 'of course, some of us find that harder than others.' and stare pointedly at him.**

It was lunch and I was hungry. That could only mean one thing. McDonalds! Oh and number 5. I walked around hoping to find Voldemort. I did. He was looking at something on the wall. Wait it wasn't just something, it was the ...thing.

"Whatcha doing?" I asked rocking back and forth on my heels.

"Trying o figure out what the finger nuggets this is." he replied preoccupied.

"Finger nuggets?" I asked cracking up.

"Tell anyone I said that and you die." He waved his wand for emphasis.

"Aye aye captain."

"Don't bother me with your idiotic ways. "I really want to figure out what the- what this is." he told me.

"Okay, okay don't get your knickers in a twist." I told him smirking. "I only came to ask you a question."

"What is it?" he asked not even bothering to ask if it was sensible.

"I'm going to McDonalds." I said real slowly. "And I was wondering something."

"What?"

"Do you want me to get you a Happy Meal?" I asked him like I was talking to a very small child as I stared down, well up, well you know, at him.

"What?" he asked furious but I pretended that it was a question that need an answer. I repeated my sentence, this time slower.

"I. Said. I'm. Going. to. McDonalds. And. I. Was. Wondering. if. You. Wanted. A. happy. Meal."

Voldemort's face went from wtf to oh no she didn't to anger to fury and finally it settled into a creepily calm facade.

"Gin." He said that calmly but his hands were twitching. "Go just go."

But me being the way I am couldn't just leave at that. I believe I like to take myself to danger and then wiggle my finger at it's teeth. It's very sharp teeth I might add.

"Are you sure you don't want-"

"LEAVE!" Voldemort yelled at me as two spells came out of his wand. I ducked under one and step sided the other. Deciding to leave before I get killed or worse I ran to the door.

"So I take it you want the chicken nuggets?" I yelled/asked him from the door.

Today at 11:30 am the front door of Voldemort's hideout died, it shall always be loved and remembered.

"Hey Snape!" I called as I ran towards him. He stopped and let me catch up. "I went to McDonalds and I thought it would be nice to get you something."

"What did you get?" he asked eyeing my bags like they would explode.

"Well I thought about getting you a Big Mac for comedic relief. But when I described you to the girl at the counter-"

"Described me to who?"

"She said you sound like a Fillet-O-Fish kinda guy. I couldn't choose so I brought you both." I shoved the bags into his hands.

"Thank yo- What's this on the receipt?"

"Oh the lady at the counter also said you sound like her type of guy."

"Never talk about me to strangers ever again." Snape told me in a flat voice.

"Too late. But I'll remember that next time. Bye." I said leaving before he worked out what I had said.

A frustrated scream echoed through the air when I was two doors away. I have a feeling that my seventh year potions will be hell.

"Here you are!" I called across the room. "I've looked all over for you." That's a lie, but I have to be annoying. All I did was bribe a Death Eater with some chicken nuggets. Maybe I should tell Voldemort that his minions are so turn able. Or on second thought maybe not.

"What do you-" He stopped mid sentence because I had dropped the Happy Meal in front of him.

"I hope you don't mind me getting you the fries." I told him. "Maybe you usually get the apple fries but I think you need some meat on your bones." I stared pointedly at his arms.

He stared venomously at the Happy Meal. What ever did it do to him? You would think it had stabbed him with a fork, or a spoon, I'm not prejudiced.

"Why?" he asked.

"Oh you wanted the apple fries? I'm sorry." My God acting like an idiot is so fun. I am acting just so you know. Really I am.

"No" He gritted his teeth. "Why did you buy this?"

"Well I told you-"

"I know what you told me!" he yelled. "But I didn't tell you to buy me no damn Happy Meal!"

"But you didn't tell me not to!" I defended. I crossed my arms and huffed, hoping that I was convincing. "Fine." I said finally, "If you don't want it then just let me-"

"NO!" Voldemort screamed, making a grab for the Happy Meal. My eyes widened at his actions. He grabbed the Happy Meal and ripped it out of my hands. Then he pushed away his plate, which fell to the ground and broke, great more taxes, and ran out the room laughing like a crazed manic. Not that he isn't.

I stared after him, hardly blinking, until Wormtail scurried in carrying a platter and wearing a maid's outfit.

"Master?" he squeaked looking around the room, taking in me, the broken plate and the empty place at the table. He shifted nervously from one heeled foot to the next. I was sure that my laughter could be heard all the way to the US of A.

I moved my gaze from my nails to look around the dinner table. There was an air of excitement around the table. I was about to find out why.

"Voldy, do you like my nails?" I asked in hopes of starting a conversation. I held out my hand for him to examine. I had just painted them black before dinner.

"I like the colour?" Voldemort said lamely making it sound more like a question.

"Why thank you." I told him. Then I decided to subtly change the subject. "So what's all the buzz about?" Or not so subtly.

"A Death Eater meeting." he answered.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, hurt.

"I didn't want you there."

"Why?"

"Your services are not needed and you will no doubt be an embarrassment." he drawled.

"I want to come!" I pleaded. "I promise I won't be an embarrassment. Please."

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"Pretty please with Harry Potter on top?"

"Can it be a tortured Harry Potter?" he asked his eyes glittering.

"Umm sure I see no reason why there can't." Actually I saw a thousand reasons why there can't be but if I say them I will either not attend the meeting or I will surely die. Maybe I should write them down later and post them on the bulletin board. Yes, Voldemort and Company had a bulletin board, it's made of that wood stuff and- Right back on track.

"Fine you can come to the meeting." he decided. That man has some serious issues. He needs a talk show. "Severus!" he called.

"You called My Lord?" Snape asked as he appeared next to Voldemort. It still freaks me out how they do that. I made a mental note to ask Snape about that later.

"Well no duh- I mean yes Severus. I want you to wait on Gin and bring her to the meeting. Now if you will excuse me, preparations are to be made." Then he pushed away his plate, stood and stalked out.

"Did Voldemort just say what I thought he just did?" I asked Snape. He could only nod in silence. "Yeah I though he did."

"Hurry and eat." Snape ordered breaking out of his trance. "You don't want to be late for the meeting. The last person who came late is still recovering." I was finished in two seconds flat.

"What the heck are we waiting for?" I asked as I walked towards the exit.

"Wrong way." Snape called out as he pointed to a side door.

"I knew that." I said coolly trying to play off my mistake.

"Of course you did."

So as you can see." Voldemort began, "We are gathered here today to discuss how to go about our infiltration of the Ministry. Any ideas?" He may have asked everyone that question but he was looking at me in a way that clearly said if I answer I die. Hmm maybe I should say something just to push his buttons.

"I say we take it by storm!" a voice called out. I give you three guesses, chances are you'll only need one.

"Bellatrix, Bellatrix, Bellatrix. I already told you it would just weaken our forces and it would be easy for them to take it back if our forces are weak." Bellatrix looked down ashamed.

"Yes Master." she mumbled. Really I would have thought she would have put up a fight. Maybe she's just a softie. "I really wanted to spill some blood." Or not.

"Any other suggestions?" Voldemort asked wearily. He had a look on his face face that clearly said, 'By the time this is over I'll have a major migraine.' I wonder how far I can push him until he explodes.

"I have one My Lord." Lucius Malfoy said standing up. Oh sit down you big load of- My thoughts were cut off when I looked at him and instantly remembered the other day's incident. I, unsuccessfully, tried to stifle my giggles as, before m eyes, Lucius transformed into a tall, white peacock.

Voldemort glared at me and I tried again to stop my giggles. Then I made a motion of pretending to zip my mouth shut, locking it and then throwing away the key. He sighed before turning back to Lucius.

"Yes Lucius?" he asked.

"Well My Lord," Lucius began making a show of fooling around with his walking cane. "As you know we have spies and Imperioed people high among the ranks of Ministry workers." Voldemort nodded. "Well I say we get a person under the Imperius curse to go kill the Minister. While he does that we can get one of our spies to tell Aurors about a supposed plan to overthrow the Minister and led them to the hopefully dead Minister and his killer. The spy would obviously gain favour among the Ministry and with a few pulled strings might get into the running to become the new Minister. Then all that's left is to 'count' the votes." he finished making air quotes around the word count.

"That's actually a good idea Lucius." Voldemort said surprised, haha, "It sounds fairly simple too."

"Like taking candy from a baby." I interjected. "But. Of course," I added catching the Death Eaters' attention, "Some of us," I dragged out staring pointedly at Voldemort, "Find that harder than others."

Snickers erupted around the table, even Bellatrix couldn't help but crack a smile at what I said. Ginny one, Voldy none.

Voldemort turned to glare at me. Oh shit this can't turn out good.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing!" I exclaimed in a singsong voice trying to look innocent. Obviously I failed because Voldemort stomped up to my seat. He would be have been more intimidating if he hadn't tripped over the leg of Avery's chair. He could have also played that out coolly if Avery's chair hadn't fallen backwards from the force of Voldemort's fall and dumped Avery on top of Voldemort.

That did it. There was not a single Death Eater at the table that didn't explode into laughter. Even Bellatrix. Heck even Snape had laughed but he stopped by cramming his fist into his mouth when Voldemort glared at him from the floor. Which I suspect was more funny than threatening to him.

Finally Voldemort pushed off Avery and continued his march up to me, further angered by his fall. As he grabbed the back of my robes and hauled me out of my chair a little, no, big voice in the back, no, very front of my mind screamed 'He's going to kill you, me, us!'

"You!" Voldemort hissed when he let go of me in the dining room. I tried to run away but he flicked his wand and blocked the exits. "I've had enough of you!" he hissed, a maniacal glint in his eye. "So, now." He laughed, I gulped. "Bye bye!" he sang out crazily. "Avada Kedavra!"

I saw the spell burst out of his wand and closed my eyes ready to die. I felt everything go cold as the spell hit me. _Is it over?_ I asked myself peeking through one of my eyes.

Voldemort was standing in front of me gaping stupidly. I checked myself over and found that was perfectly fine. _What the fudge?_ Those words flashed through my mind. I had just survived the Killing Curse.

Then, for some odd reason, I found that very funny and started laughing not even pausing at Voldemort's,

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

**YEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!**

Someone's happy.

**I survived the killing curse! I just made history.**

Harry survived it first though.

**He is sooo unimportant right now.**

Oh look there's Harry!

**Is my hair okay? Come on woman!**

Unimportant yeah. Dear readers/reviewers how was this chapter? Was it okay? Good? Satisfying? I'd like to no.

**Also I'd like to hear how you think I survived the curse. Be imaginative and creative! And p.s regatta sounds flipping off da chains.**

Please excuse Gin she's trying to be cool.


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